How to Tell Your Children You’re Getting a Divorce (Without Causing Unnecessary Pain)

Telling your children that you’re getting a divorce is one of the most difficult conversations you’ll ever have as a parent. It’s natural to worry about how they will react, how to phrase things, and how to provide the reassurance they need. While there’s no perfect way to break the news, there are steps you can take to make the conversation as supportive and constructive as possible.

1. Plan the Conversation Together

If possible, both parents should be present when telling the children. This shows a united front and reassures them that both parents will continue to be there for them. Discuss in advance what you will say, keeping the conversation simple and age-appropriate.

Key points to cover:

• The divorce is not their fault.
• Both parents love them and will always be there.
• What will stay the same and what may change.
• It’s okay to have feelings and ask questions.

2. Choose the Right Time and Setting

Pick a quiet, calm moment when you have time to sit with them and answer any questions. Avoid telling them just before school, bedtime, or a major event. Give them space to process the information without feeling rushed.

3. Use Simple, Clear Language

Children don’t need to know the details of why the divorce is happening, but they do need to understand that it’s a decision made by both parents and that it’s final.

Examples of what to say:

• "Mummy and Daddy have decided to live in different houses, but we both love you very much."
• "Sometimes grown-ups decide they can’t be together anymore, but we will always be your parents."

4. Reassure Them About Their Routine

Children thrive on stability, so be prepared to answer practical questions about where they will live, when they will see each parent, and how daily life will look. If you don’t have all the answers yet, it’s okay to say, "We’re still working on some things, but we will let you know as soon as we do."

5. Encourage Them to Express Their Feelings

Children may react in different ways—anger, sadness, confusion, or even seeming indifferent at first. Reassure them that all feelings are valid and that you’re there to listen. Let them know they can always talk to you, a teacher, or another trusted adult.

6. Maintain a Positive Co-Parenting Approach

Avoid blaming or speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child. This can create emotional distress and make them feel caught in the middle. Instead, focus on teamwork and reassure them that both parents will continue to support and love them.

7. Seek Support for Your Children

Sometimes, children need additional support outside the family. UK-based services can provide professional guidance:

• YoungMinds – Mental health support for children and young people.
• Gingerbread – Support for single-parent families.
• Relate – Counselling and resources for families going through separation.
• Childline – A free, confidential helpline for children who need to talk.

Final Thoughts

Telling your children about your divorce is never easy, but by approaching the conversation with honesty, reassurance, and emotional support, you can help them navigate this transition with greater resilience. If you find yourself struggling to manage the emotional impact of your divorce while supporting your children, working with a breakup and divorce coach can provide you with the guidance and tools to handle this change in a healthy and positive way.