For many people, pets are family. They are a source of emotional comfort, routine, and stability—particularly in times of stress or loneliness. In fact, for those living in abusive relationships, the bond with a beloved dog, cat, or other companion animal may be one of the only reliable sources of love in the household.

But tragically, that bond can also be turned against them.

In the context of domestic abuse, animals are often used as tools of power, control, and emotional manipulation. It’s a tactic that is still widely under-recognised, even though its impact can be devastating—and in some cases, life-threatening.

How Pets Become Part of the Abuse

Abusers may use pets to exploit their partner’s love, compassion, or sense of responsibility. This can take many forms, including:

• Threatening to harm, rehome, or kill the animal if the victim tries to leave or disobey

• Inflicting direct harm on the pet as punishment, or to “teach a lesson”

• Withholding veterinary care or food as a method of punishment or control

• Forcing the victim to witness or participate in abuse of the animal

• Using pets to manipulate children or reinforce obedience within the family

• Preventing the victim from leaving by stating, “You’ll never find a place that will take you and the dog”

• Sabotaging pet ownership—for example, refusing to allow training, microchipping, or legal ownership in the victim’s name

The result is a form of emotional imprisonment. Victims feel unable to leave because doing so would mean abandoning their animal to abuse—or risking its life.

"I Stayed Because of the Dog"

This statement may sound trivial to those outside the experience. But within the domestic abuse field, it’s all too familiar.

Victims often delay or avoid leaving altogether because they cannot take their pet with them—and the thought of leaving them behind is unbearable. In some cases, the animal may be their only consistent source of comfort and emotional connection.

This is especially true for people who are isolated, have few human support networks, or who rely on their pet for mental health stability.

The UK Reality

Recent statistics show just how common and serious this issue is:

• 71% of women accessing refuge services from pet-owning households reported that their abuser had threatened, harmed, or killed a pet (Refuge)

• 49% of survivors delayed leaving an abusive partner because they were worried about what would happen to their pet (Dogs Trust)

• Fewer than 1 in 10 UK refuges accept animals—meaning for many people, there is no obvious safe route to escape

This is not a fringe issue. It’s a critical barrier to safety and freedom for thousands of people across the UK.

What Support Is Available?

Thankfully, several brilliant organisations across the UK offer specialist services to help domestic abuse victims protect their pets while fleeing violence:

• Dogs Trust Freedom Project – Offers confidential foster placements for dogs of those fleeing domestic abuse. The dogs are cared for in a safe, loving foster home for up to six months.

• Cats Protection – Paws Protect – Offers temporary foster care for cats in London, South East, and parts of East Anglia.

• Endeavour Pet Fostering – Based in the North West, providing pet fostering for a variety of animals, including small pets and exotics

• Refuge – Can coordinate with animal fostering charities as part of safety planning

• Women's Aid – Offers guidance on creating a pet-inclusive safety plan and finding pet-friendly refuges

These services are confidential, discreet, and exist to help victims prioritise both their own and their pets’ safety.

Key Helplines and Resources

• Refuge – 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline
  📞 0808 2000 247
  🌐 www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

• Women’s Aid Live Chat (Mon–Fri, 8am–6pm)
  🌐 chat.womensaid.org.uk

• Men’s Advice Line
  📞 0808 801 0327
  🌐 mensadviceline.org.uk

• Galop – LGBT+ Abuse Support
  📞 0800 999 5428
  🌐 www.galop.org.uk

Why This Matters

Leaving an abusive relationship is already one of the most challenging and dangerous decisions a person can make. When the fate of a pet is added to the mix, the decision becomes even more complex.

We must stop asking why they stayed—and start understanding why they couldn’t leave.

When we ignore the emotional role of pets in a survivor’s life, we risk isolating them further. But when we widen our lens, we create pathways to safety that are compassionate, informed, and genuinely life-saving.

How Sea Change Can Help

At Sea Change Therapy & Coaching, we understand the emotional complexities of abusive relationships—including the deep bond between survivors and their pets.

We offer confidential, trauma-informed support to individuals navigating separation, safety planning, and recovery. Whether you're supporting clients, managing staff wellbeing, or seeking help for yourself—we’re here.

Book a free, confidential consultation to talk about what’s next.

You shouldn’t have to choose between your safety and your pet’s life.
Support is out there—for both of you.